It is June, y’all. That’s just something I realized yesterday, so I’m still getting used to the idea. May meant Mother’s Day, a DCTalk announcement, and a whole bunch of political issues. As a result, there may be a little bit of whiplash from serious to snarky, but isn’t that what we all love about Twitter? Here are the best tweets tweeted in May.
Father, rightly order our loves today.
— Rachel Trammell (@racheltrammell) May 1, 2016
Let’s turn this Waffle House into a Waffle Home.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) May 1, 2016
At this point, I think there's just one continuous, 24/7 country music awards show that we get monthly live cut-ins of. #TooManyAwardShows
— Jonathan Howe (@Jonathan_Howe) May 1, 2016
For single folks without kids, your gender reveal is just a party to announce which sex of baby will be the reason we never see you again.
— Jamie Golden (@jamiebgolden) May 2, 2016
If you're married and have no single friend to whom you'd love to give a spare key, go get one. pic.twitter.com/9HpUth0OaE
— Bethany Jenkins (@BethanyJenkins) May 2, 2016
I’m afraid Taylor Swift is a new talk show host in the Hunger Games.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) May 3, 2016
I'm at the age where I regularly find myself recommending my doctor to friends.
— Cindy Warren (@cindy_warren) May 3, 2016
Don't worry guys, this chicken broth was able to roam around uninhibited. Just the way nature intended. pic.twitter.com/TR7rm0bj3D
— Joel Kaser (@joelkaser) May 4, 2016
— Aaron Earls (@WardrobeDoor) May 4, 2016
@WardrobeDoor when I first read this, I thought you were quoting the office.
— Jonathan Howe (@Jonathan_Howe) May 4, 2016
"Did you get my text earlier?"
Option 1: No? When did you send it?
Option 2: I was just about to reply
Option 3: My phone's been weird today
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) May 4, 2016
Me: Hey kids, I have candy for you.
Me: It's Krackel.
(Everyone gives the candy back.)#NoOneLikesKrackel
— Joshua McMillan (@JoshuaLMcMillan) May 5, 2016
"'Grace' is a word without synonyms, a concept without paraphrase."
— JT English (@jt_english) May 5, 2016
Sarcasm, snark, and satire aren’t the same things though snark may include sarcasm, sarcasm can be snarky, and satire may include both.
— Barnabas Piper (@BarnabasPiper) May 6, 2016
Cheers to all you hard-working Jesus-loving women out there, kids or no kids. Married. Single. We are all mothers to the next generation…
— Beth Moore (@BethMooreLPM) May 8, 2016
We women of God come from strong stellar stock. Sarah, Deborah, Ruth, Esther, Elizabeth, Mary, Lydia. Royal blood flows through our veins.
— Beth Moore (@BethMooreLPM) May 8, 2016
"The backlash against the backlash against the backlash against saying 'Happy Mother's Day,'" my column:
— Evangelical? Hipster (@evnglcalhipster) May 8, 2016
Mom: "So where are you guys taking me for lunch on this special day?"
Me: "four words mom…We Have The Meats."
— John Crist (@johnbcrist) May 8, 2016
A moment of silence for all of the fictional mothers that had to die in the name of tragic back story and character development.
— Professor Snape (@_Snape_) May 8, 2016
I'm just trying to achieve all my dreams so my kids won't have to do pageants.
— Kristin Weber (@kristinweb) May 8, 2016
I know on the other side of these things we'll have a testimony, but God is teaching me we can have a testimony in the midst of it too.
— Lore FergusonWilbert (@lorewilbert) May 9, 2016
Me- "Time to write!" My brain- "I wonder what every app on my phone is doing right now?"
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) May 9, 2016
— Sam Allberry ن (@SamAllberry) May 10, 2016
Y’all know this is a campaign (and hashtag) I could get behind.
Blink twice if we're on a date right now.
— MeLissa Luna (@ohdarlinggirl) May 10, 2016
America: where people use the word "humbled" when they really mean "proud.”
— Barnabas Piper (@BarnabasPiper) May 10, 2016
— Brandon D. Smith (@BrandonSmith85) May 11, 2016
In the ultimate sign that everybody is getting old, #DCTalk has hyped a big announcement for weeks only to reveal that it's a cruise.
— Micah Fries (@micahfries) May 11, 2016
Go on that DCTalk cruise and I guarantee you'll see quite a few tattooed big fat bellies wiggling around like marmalade jelly.
— Jared C. Wilson (@jaredcwilson) May 11, 2016
DC Talk Cruise Ship Bar to be named "What If I Stumble"
— Barnabas Piper (@BarnabasPiper) May 11, 2016
A #dctalkcruise would have been a great homeschool graduation gift 20 years ago.
— Dean Inserra (@deaninserra) May 11, 2016
— Katelyn Beaty (@KatelynBeaty) May 11, 2016
"I don't often run marathons, but when I do…I do them half way." – people with 13.1 bumper stickers
— John Crist (@johnbcrist) May 13, 2016
Give me the marshmallow test and I will sit there until the marshmallow is rock-hard and I'm a skeleton covered in dust.
— Ruth Graham (@publicroad) May 13, 2016
I believe in heaven. I believe in hell. I do not believe in purgatory. But the LaGuardia airport always makes reconsider that last point.
— Russell Moore (@drmoore) May 13, 2016
I do not understand LaGuardia. How is it like it is?
i majored in english and sometimes write for a living, but i don't capitalize anything. you tell me! 🌞
— Nashville Girl (@nashville__girl) May 13, 2016
My homeschool was so woke everyone just used the same bathroom.
— CapTRAITOR Amrhucka? (@TylerHuckabee) May 14, 2016
Sorry. This was too funny to not include.
Swimsuit shopping. Oh man could I ever have some fun doing a little running commentary on women's swimwear if we weren't in mixed company.
— Beth Moore (@BethMooreLPM) May 14, 2016
Writing requires both my whole mind and my whole heart. Writing is both science and art-both precision and mystery-both bliss and angst.
— Jennie Allen (@JennieAllen) May 14, 2016
Spending a good 4-5 hours of the morning, as a guest in someone's house, contemplating whether anyone's in the bathroom
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) May 15, 2016
I wanted to post a photo of the book I'm currently reading, but I don't own any succulents.
— Jan Moyer (@moyermama) May 15, 2016
Twitter: What do users want?
Users: AN EDIT BUTTON
Twitter: Sounds good, we won't count characters on links and pics anymore.
— Jonathan Howe (@Jonathan_Howe) May 16, 2016
“Jesus, I know it wasn’t fair that you had to die. But there’s something fun & unique about you. Amen.” #theologywithHolland
— Erin Hicks Moon (@erinhmoon) May 18, 2016
Authenticity hinders intimate connection (and creative excellence) when it becomes an end in itself.
— Paul Maxwell (@paulcmaxwell) May 18, 2016
"If you plan to be a writer, a good first step would be for you to take your first and middle names and turn them into initials." -professor
— SBTS Anonymous (@SBTSquotes) May 18, 2016
For example, E.D. Hyndman
How did we all get LinkedIn accounts? How did this happen?
— MeLissa Luna (@ohdarlinggirl) May 20, 2016
The best test of a person’s sense of humor is how well they take a joke, not just how well they deliver one.
— Barnabas Piper (@BarnabasPiper) May 22, 2016
“Which butter bowl has the butter in it?” is a question asked every Sunday outside my mom’s refrigerator.
— Jamie Golden (@jamiebgolden) May 22, 2016
No, I didn't just lick cheese dip off the baby, you misread that. #parenting
— Taylor Rew (@TaylorRew) May 23, 2016
Michael W. Smith is the Rob Lowe of Christian Contemporary Music.
— Griffin Gulledge ن (@griffingulledge) May 24, 2016
No one in the world is more encouraging than the Chick-fil-A floater.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) May 24, 2016
— Katherine H (@grass_stains) May 25, 2016
Please, please go read this blog post.
Don’t say anything you don’t love, don’t share anything you don’t love… but if you love it, try to make it popular. – @bjnovak
— kate shellnutt (@kateshellnutt) May 26, 2016
I love that no one in America knows the words or correct melody to the national anthem.
— Allison Hancock (@Allison_Hancock) May 26, 2016
Women teachers, let's shift the emphasis from "Girl, you are a precious daughter of the King" to "Behold your King". Lift up their eyes.
— Jen Wilkin (@jenniferwilkin) May 26, 2016
If you don't have at least one garage door wall can you really be a specialty coffee shop?
— Nashville Guy (@Nashville_Guy) May 28, 2016
Bought some shorts with an elastic waistband yesterday, and I think this may actually change my quality of life. #HappyMemorialDay
— Josh Garcia (@joshg_08) May 30, 2016
I, too, recently bought shorts with an elastic waistband (that are not workout shorts) and can testify to this.
The kids ask, "So do you Snap?" Or something. And I'm like, "No, I tweet. Do you read words?"
— Melissa Moore (@MelissaMoore77) May 31, 2016
Thanks for tweeting this month. I still read words and love following along.