March. I know. Easter was on April 1. I had a Greek midterm because that’s something I’m still doing (why). That is the full list of my excuses.
So to just remind everyone, in March we had the Oscars, there was that “barbecue” plate from New York that got everyone in the South riled up, the most dramatic finale ever of The Bachelor happened and we hated it, March Madness happened, we prepared for Easter.
Here are the best tweets about all of that and more.
— Laura McClellan (@laura_mcclellan) March 1, 2018
Why it’s so important to set your sundial to local time when traveling. pic.twitter.com/N8qa7GBkPD
— Ron Hyndman (@ronhyndman) March 4, 2018
Me: How does this cartoon that takes place under water have fire and boats sailing on top of some other water?
5 year old: Well … they … I mean … that’s just how shows work, daddy.
— Aaron Earls (@WardrobeDoor) March 3, 2018
TN DOT, I marked a couple of potholes that need attention ASAP. pic.twitter.com/WE9QQlhssl
— Marty Duren (@martyduren) March 4, 2018
I always thought there’d be another civil war…
And after everything with this election and twitter and all, I really thought the time was nigh…
I just didn’t think it’d be over a tweet of a waxy lookin tiny barbecue plate from Brooklyn claiming to be taking over the world.
— luke buchanan (@LukeBuchananana) March 5, 2018
— Jamie B. Golden (@jamiebgolden) March 5, 2018
I feel like Viola Davis could ask me for a piece of gum but bc she's so intense I'd cry and be honored at the same time
— Kevin T. Porter (@KevinTPorter) March 5, 2018
The announcer just said Gal Gadot’s name as Gay-el Gah-dote and everything I know in life has been challenged. #OSCARS
— Erin Hicks Moon (@erinhmoon) March 5, 2018
We cannot be whole women on half truths. Sisters, study the Scriptures.
— Beth Moore (@BethMooreLPM) March 5, 2018
Birthdays as an adult.
When someone asks you, “what do you want for your birthday?”
You seriously consider replying, “could you call the cable company and fight with them about a bill? Cause saving me from that convo would be the best gift.”
— Sarah Doss (@sarahdossy) March 5, 2018
Sometimes I get stressed out in life but then I remember that sometimes parents have to fly with infant children and then my problems don’t seem so bad.
— John Crist (@johnbcrist) March 5, 2018
I once saw a man walk down the aisle of the plane carrying one of those potty-training toilet seats as his three-year-old son screamed down the aisle ahead of him. I just feel like it’s important for all of us childless people to know that is a thing that happened.
If you say "thanks in advance" in a work email the other person is forced to do whatever you want. You got em
— David DeWeil (@daviddeweil) March 6, 2018
I don’t mean to be cynical but sometimes it almost feels like Nabisco invented National Oreo Day
— B.J. Novak (@bjnovak) March 6, 2018
I wonder if we have so little holy fire because we can do it all so well without the Spirit. We know how to create an atmosphere that looks like Him so why go to all the trouble of crying out for Him? We’re too busy working on graphics,finding images of fire to put on the screen.
— Beth Moore (@BethMooreLPM) March 6, 2018
(prepare your heart for a tweet about The Bachelor immediately following the story from Reverend Billy Graham’s funeral)
Chris: “I can’t imagine what must be going through your head right now.”
Lauren: “I can’t either.”
— Annie B. Jones (@anniebjones) March 7, 2018
It’s like Instagram knows who I have a crush on before I even do lol smh
— erinmcgown (@erinmcgown) March 7, 2018
“Tourists ruin every cool place.” – Me, unsarcastically today as a tourist
— Barnabas Piper (@BarnabasPiper) March 7, 2018
My opening line to an important person I met today:
“Meeting perfect strangers must be one of the worst parts of your job. (Brief pause) Hi, I’m Sarah.” 🤦🏽♀️
— Sarah Doss (@sarahdossy) March 9, 2018
One of the problems with a non-stop news cycle is that the tension created by major developments rarely gets resolved. Instead, it gets replaced by newer drama. As a result, scar tissue forms that deadens our response to the next breaking story.
— Phillip Bethancourt (@pbethancourt) March 9, 2018
keep clicking "remember me" on every website in a futile attempt to leave my mark on this world
— Kalila Holt (@kalilaholt) March 10, 2018
Just visited the Bigfoot Museum. I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but it seems like the fewer teeth you have the greater your chances of seeing Sasquatch.
— Kristin Weber (@kristinweb) March 10, 2018
With all the daylight I’ve saved over the years do I like spend it at Kohl’s or something
— David DeWeil (@daviddeweil) March 11, 2018
My apologies to pregnant ladies, but every 3D ultrasound looks like Voldemort in a garbage bag.
— Røb Fee (@robfee) March 12, 2018
My exact thought in this moment: if people could see me dance like I do in the privacy of my home would I be affirmed that those moves should remain private like I’ve thought for 29 years or would I experience freedom to share them with the world. We will never know.
— Jessica Best (@jesslbest) March 12, 2018
If you need a new desktop wallpaper, I've been using this one for six years pic.twitter.com/L7mBPghrMf
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) March 12, 2018
My son has a very creative, and literal vocabulary of terms:
Stomach: “treat pits”
Tummy: “tickle parts”
Drool: “baby lick”
— Devin Maddox (@devinmaddox) March 12, 2018
Devin’s son is Tom Haverford.
Hey Christian, it's really okay to say your fears, your losses, your aches right out loud. It doesn't do the mission any good when we pretend we haven't got them or pretend the reality of the gospel removes the sting of them entirely on earth. It's okay.
— Lore FergusonWilbert (@lorewilbert) March 14, 2018
If I’m going to pay for a massage, I want it to be relaxing, and that’s why I’ll only get one in the middle of a mall
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) March 15, 2018
i don't love dogs and as a result i just don't feel at home on this planet
— Judson Collier (@JudsonCollier) March 15, 2018
Flying is fun, cuz one minute you’re all “What was that sound is this how we die?” and the next it’s all “Oh hey free peanuts AND pretzels”.
— Cindy Warren (@cindy_warren) March 15, 2018
On judgement day the Lord will read to you all the emails and texts messages you responded to only in your mind.
— John Starke (@john_starke) March 16, 2018
One of my best friends and I were just talking life, church, ministry stuff. She left me with these wise words, “Well, you gotta just keep doing what you’re doing even though you’re a wreck.” Processing this as a compliment.
— Kelly Minter (@Kelly_Minter) March 20, 2018
Marvel: "Avengers Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover event in history."
— Richard Clark (@TheRichardClark) March 20, 2018
Petsmart clerk: “And can I have your pet’s telephone number?”
Me: “My pet doesn’t have a telephone number because we’re normal.”
— Jared C. Wilson (@jaredcwilson) March 21, 2018
If I could have a side job I’d work in the kids section of a bookstore. Basically I’m saying I would like to be Meg Ryan from You’ve Got Mail.
— Scott James (@scott_h_james) March 21, 2018
Adulthood is triage. (This is something wise I just told my staff and thought I would share it with you. The great ER rewatch is teaching me all kinds of things.)
— Annie B. Jones (@anniebjones) March 21, 2018
such a magnanimous boss – not only does Cap’n not get mad at the factory mistake, he happily promotes this as an opportunity for growth.
we all have much to learn from him pic.twitter.com/JnDSiD2WeF
— Nathan W. Pyle (@nathanwpyle) March 22, 2018
My favorite part of the Bible is in Acts when everyone shared their Netflix password with each other
— David DeWeil (@daviddeweil) March 23, 2018
Before I went to seminary, so many people told me to guard my faith from getting all academic and dry.
No one told me that writing theology papers and diagramming Greek sentences and reading old dense books would make me fall so much more deeply in love with God.
But it has.
— Kaitlyn Schiess (@KaitlynSchiess) March 23, 2018
Hearing the water boil over is how I know the soup is done.
— Jan Moyer (@moyermama) March 24, 2018
starting this tweet with a lower-case letter to make you think I'm not working that hard when we all know I had to hit the caps-lock key to make it happen
— Ruth Graham (@publicroad) March 24, 2018
Why did Jesus die by crucifixion — in such a horrific manner? To show us the utter ghastliness of our rebellion against God, and also to secure for us the utter glory for which we were made.
— Trevin Wax (@TrevinWax) March 27, 2018
Easter proves to us that God really does accomplish his plans.
— Dean Inserra (@deaninserra) March 27, 2018
It’s Maundy, but Thursday’s comin’.
It’s Thursday, but tomorrow’s Frid…
— Fake J.D. Greear (@FakeJDGreear) March 29, 2018