Listen. I was in Dallas a lot in June and July. I know they have internet there, too, but the point is that I was busy. So I missed a lot of Twitter. Through the magic of catch-up lists and Twitter showing me everything anyone I follow has ever read, I was able to pull together a tweets of the two-months club. You’re welcome. Other than that, I’m not sure we need a lot of “remember when?” context for these tweets. Which is good, because Twitter is my news and I wasn’t on Twitter as much, ergo I don’t really know/remember what all happened in the world during those two months. Nonetheless, here are the best tweets I read in June and July!
Somewhere a husband bought some for his wife.
Somewhere a mother bought some for her children.
Somewhere a coworker bought some for her office.
Somewhere a friend bought some for his friend.
National Donut Day isn't a day.
It's a revolution of love.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) June 1, 2018
Happy 222nd Birthday Tennessee. I'm proud to call you home.https://t.co/1HsBHkTKGF
— Drew Holcomb (@drewholcomb) June 1, 2018
Where were you when you found out @drmoore was an enneagram 4
— Richard Clark (@TheRichardClark) June 2, 2018
We ain’t got time for motivational speeches. Preach the Word.
— Dean Inserra (@deaninserra) June 3, 2018
Nothing like not being able to locate your Bible to make you feel like a super great Christian. 😂🙈
— Laura McClellan (@laura_mcclellan) June 4, 2018
Wife: I’m not sure what to do about the bookshelf situation.
Me: We have too many books?
Wife: We have too few bookshelves.
— John B. Graeber (@jbgraeber) June 6, 2018
My 3yo asks the simplest yet most-difficult-to-explain-to-a-toddler-type-of-questions.
5 mins ago…
Eden: Why did Jesus die on the cross for our sins?
Preston: So that we could have life.
Eden: What’s life?
She’s like a baby Pontius Pilate 😂
— Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) June 7, 2018
Encouragement is the art of eulogizing someone while they're still alive.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) June 8, 2018
— ERLC (@ERLC) June 9, 2018
My maiden name sounds like "hottie," and every time I see a wedding hashtag I shake my fist that this trend didn't exist 10 years ago.
— Sharon Hodde Miller (@SHoddeMiller) June 10, 2018
I love that feeling when you finish a really good book and you’re just kind of shell shocked by glory.
— Scott James (@scott_h_james) June 10, 2018
— Lizette Dillinger (@LizetteTweets) June 12, 2018
— Lizette Dillinger (@LizetteTweets) June 12, 2018
Keepin’ it classy in my neighborhood. pic.twitter.com/82ki0c11Ym
— Laura McClellan (@laura_mcclellan) June 12, 2018
I can’t wait for a long night of #SBCAM18 inagural dances!
— Fake J.D. Greear (@FakeJDGreear) June 12, 2018
Commissioning of the @IMB_SBC missionaries at #SBC18 is amazing. “Every church plays a vital role in making disciples in every nation.” Love that we get to share in this great sending effort all together.
— Ashlyn Portero (@ashlynportero) June 13, 2018
The SBC: we exist to combine the efforts of our churches to take the gospel to the world. – Platt
— Dean Inserra (@deaninserra) June 13, 2018
— Katie Orr (@TheKatieOrr) June 13, 2018
Twitter is my newspaper.
— Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) June 13, 2018
Men who go by three names can only be one of two things: folk singers or killers.
— Barnabas Piper (@BarnabasPiper) June 14, 2018
#SBCAM18 HAS ADJOURNED. YOUNG SBC LEADERS: IT IS A NEW DAY IN OUR CONVENTION. PROCEED TO THE VAPING PAVILION FOR FREE AVOCADO TOAST AND CONVERSATIONS ABOUT OUR FEELINGS.
— Fake J.D. Greear (@FakeJDGreear) June 13, 2018
A soft answer turns away wrath.
A short answer blesses fellow panelists.
— Barnabas Piper (@BarnabasPiper) June 13, 2018
If you pick up your phone and see 67 text notifications, either there’s been a family emergency or your dumb buddies are making jokes on a group text and there’s no in between.
— John Crist (@johnbcrist) June 14, 2018
Declared twitter bankruptcy for the last two days. If you had a great tweet and I missed it, know that it was awesome and you should feel validated.
— Jonathan Howe (@Jonathan_Howe) June 14, 2018
What parents do to their kids in 2018 when they go swimming. RIP no shirt and some sunscreen. pic.twitter.com/0F7bdaC0z1
— Dean Inserra (@deaninserra) June 15, 2018
It’s the responsibility of the people of Jesus to take the stand of Jesus. Always. Despite the cost. We plant our feet where He’d plant His. The Gospels reveal what He was like. Our job in this world is to be like Him in this world. Social Justice Warriors? No. Actual CHRISTIANS.
— Beth Moore (@BethMooreLPM) June 15, 2018
Sometimes the best advice to hear from a trusted friend is, “That’s a really dumb idea.”
— Ashlyn Portero (@ashlynportero) June 19, 2018
The Publix cashier burst into tears when my little boy said “Getting another birthday party is on my bucket list” and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that he thinks that just means “to-do list.”
— kyla (@whatkyIasaid) June 20, 2018
In college, my roommate was texting a girl one night and said “I’m watching a movie. P.S. I Love You.” Then he fell asleep. He woke up the next day to two texts from her:
– “Aww, I love you too!!”
*five hours go by*
– “Oh you meant the movie”
I think about this all the time.
— Cortland Gatliff (@cortgatliff) June 19, 2018
An online quiz just told me that bread should be my boyfriend—@BuzzFeed, as always, chillingly perceptive.
— Sarah Doss (@sarahdossy) June 21, 2018
Personality type: Never starts writing on the first page of a notebook because what words could be important enough for such an honor.
— Cindy Warren (@cindy_warren) June 21, 2018
.@carolpipes just came out of her office to make this announcement: "I don't know why, but I have a piece of bacon in my pocket."
— Joy Allmond (@joyallmond) June 21, 2018
Take Jesus seriously.
Take yourself with a grain of salt.
One quick gust & we're gone with the wind.
Self-importance hijacks joy.
Entrust more to Him & you'll laugh more at you.
God did just fine before we got here.
He'll do just fine when we're gone.
Ain't nothin banked on us.
— Beth Moore (@BethMooreLPM) June 21, 2018
One of the worst things you can possibly do is check the nutrition info on your favorite bag of chips.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) June 24, 2018
Sometimes I think I’m smart and sometimes I’m about to get out of the shower and can’t remember if I washed my hair or not…
— John Crist (@johnbcrist) June 24, 2018
James Corden: “If my grandad was here right now he’d get an absolute kick out of this.”
Paul McCartney: “He is.”
— Cortland Gatliff (@cortgatliff) June 25, 2018
(Stop and watch that episode of Carpool Karaoke. Trust me on this.)
Alexa, handle all my confrontation.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) June 27, 2018
5-year-old’s retelling of Mary washing Jesus’ feet with her hair:
“The prophet [I think she means Pharisee] said it was bad.
Jesus was like: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No. She was right.”
— Aaron Earls (@WardrobeDoor) June 28, 2018
In suffering, hearing that God is sovereign can seem cruel. But He is both sovereign AND good. So we can trust that whatever difficulties we may have under His sovereign hand, that they are being determined and shaped by His goodness.
— Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) June 28, 2018
It’s striking that unbelieving people who think I have betrayed their god have been more hospitable and charitable to me than Christian people who think I have betrayed their politics.
The incivility (not to be confused with sharp disagreement) reveals idolatry in diff forms.
— Thabiti Anyabwile (@ThabitiAnyabwil) June 30, 2018
“You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same,” is one of my all time favorite lyrics in a Christian song. Preach on, Laura Story.
— Dean Inserra (@deaninserra) July 1, 2018
So if we could vote to change ours to “America The Beautiful,” I will hold the campaign sign on the side of the road.
— Dean Inserra (@deaninserra) July 1, 2018
Sometimes people say things like “my life was meaningless before marriage and/or kids”, and I’m like: pic.twitter.com/flhyQ8vvpy
— Cindy Warren (@cindy_warren) July 2, 2018
What made Fred Rogers the person so special — and what made the show so magical — is that he treated every person he met like they were a bearer of the image of God. 6/6
— Jared C. Wilson (@jaredcwilson) July 3, 2018
God: [closes door]
God: [opens window]
angel: ok are we turning the air on or
— Nathan W. Pyle (@nathanwpyle) July 9, 2018
Sign of a good book: you miss the characters when you’re done reading.
— Sarah Doss (@sarahdossy) July 10, 2018
I’ve put a lot of credence in what Bath & Body Works says lemon verbena smells like. They could have played the longest con around and I’d never know.
— Sarah McStephens (@sarahmcstephens) July 9, 2018
“Welcome to our house. Here are the four nearly identical giant remote controls for the TV. This one has the power button, this one changes channels, this one is for volume, and this one we don’t know what it does”
— B.J. Novak (@bjnovak) July 14, 2018
Last time I was at my grandmother’s house, I picked up a remote and pushed the Power button. Everyone gasped. “Well, now we’ll never be able to get the TV to work right.”
Had to buy a whole chicken for a recipe I’m making. The store offered something called a “young chicken.”
So, yes, I do feel entirely responsible for ending a promising chicken’s life before she was able to thrive, go to University, and make something of herself.
— Sarah Doss (@sarahdossy) July 14, 2018
Living in California is constantly being two wrong friendships away from accidentally joining a cult at any point in time
— Judson Collier (@JudsonCollier) July 15, 2018
For me personally, I know I don’t need to hear another sermon on prayer or to read another book on it for me to have a better prayer life. Because my problem isn’t lack of information, it’s pride.
Pride makes me prayerless because it tells me that I’ll be just fine without it.
— Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) July 16, 2018
My friends: We’re engaged! We’re having a baby! We bought a house!
Me: that’s great I HAVE A PODCAST AND IT’S COMING OUT TOMORROW!!!!!!! 😄😄😄😄😄😄 pic.twitter.com/pFV3JZ7ev8
— PERK CITY (@bethany_perk) July 17, 2018
An alarm clock, but where your spouse’s workmates text non-stop about some tier 3 royal wedding while she is out of the room.
— Keith Pipes (@KeithPipes) July 18, 2018
(I was part of that group text and FOR THE RECORD Eugenie is not tier 3.)
today at dinner i had a very not embarrassing interaction with a man.
him: "hi, I'm jordan."
me: "hi, I'm jordan."
me: "wait no"
— allyson (@allysonkate) July 20, 2018
Little-known Fact: The Itsy Bitsy Spider is actually a children's retelling of the Myth of Sisyphus.
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) July 20, 2018
You know you’ve arrived as a vegetable when you’re showing up in dessert. Saw fennel ice cream on a dinner menu last night. Way to get in there fennel.
— Kelly Minter (@Kelly_Minter) July 20, 2018
the logical endpoint of social media is we mute everyone else & go back to batting a wheel down the street with a stick
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 21, 2018
I know it just gets easier and easier to think that the world is coming to an end, but really, don't get your hopes up
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) July 22, 2018
The internet is a great place for learning new info except that some of it is from an expert with a degree & some of it is from a bot that learned magnet poetry
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 24, 2018
If the winds and waves were calmed at His Word, your heart can be too. No matter how loud it gets or how tumultuous it makes you, be still and let Him do what you cannot.
— Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) July 25, 2018
The following are from a genius thread of Bible stories told with The Office gifs. Disclaimer: I follow none of these people but laughed out loud at this thread multiple times.
When the centurion and the men with him who were keeping watch over Jesus after his death and they saw the earthquake… pic.twitter.com/g34ytVxpy4
— Patrick Verhiley (@PatrickVerhiley) July 22, 2018
Peter when Jesus is tell the apostles how he'll have to die. pic.twitter.com/KipTdUsZVg
— Christopher Martinez (@PeroLikeYChris) July 24, 2018
when God gives Solomon wisdom pic.twitter.com/BrU8qs16lH
— Rebecca McCurry (@rebeccamccurry3) July 24, 2018
God tells Abraham to sacrifice his son pic.twitter.com/IZcqNqYeFW
— Mountain Man (@moore_of_kollin) July 25, 2018
Okay, now back to regular programming.
If you regularly use this iPhone feature I would love to know more of your story. pic.twitter.com/Y9rTilAjgo
— Sophie Hudson (@boomama) July 27, 2018
— Fake J.D. Greear (@FakeJDGreear) July 29, 2018
I’m at whatever the age is that you try really hard to remember to bring long-sleeves to the movie theater.
— Devin Maddox (@devinmaddox) July 28, 2018
Its like just when you think July’s over it isn’t for eighteen more days lol smh
— erinmcgown (@erinmcgown) July 27, 2018
Took a pic of a beautiful, full rainbow but couldn’t find a good enough filter for it on Instagram so it didn’t get posted. Sorry natural wonder try harder next time
— David DeWeil (@daviddeweil) July 30, 2018
true self-confidence is letting someone watch you get on a pool float
— Jen Hall (@jeninthewild) July 30, 2018
People who oppose your views on climate change, immigrants, and other issues will spend eternity with you.
We need to remember that.
— Chris Martin (@ChrisMartin17) July 30, 2018
Devotional reading is like chamomile tea – a soothing drink before slumber. But no one drinks chamomile tea before going to war. We need stronger drink to combat the world, the flesh, and the devil. We need battle cries as well as lullabies. We need the full counsel of Scripture.
— Jen Wilkin (@jenniferwilkin) July 31, 2018
The older you get, the fewer memories you have that exist exclusively in one emotional space. Joy tinged with sadness, happiness laced with regret.
Still, I love revisiting them.
— John B. Graeber (@jbgraeber) August 1, 2018