Tweets of the Month Club | April 2018

Someone gave me a Jesus figurine that’s made out of a sticky flammable organic substance, insoluble in water, exuded by some trees.

He is resin.

He is resin, indeed.

— Fake J.D. Greear (@FakeJDGreear) April 1, 2018

It was finished so that we could begin again.

Christ is risen.

— Ronnie Martin (@ronniejmartin) April 1, 2018

I don’t know the future. I don’t know the answers to every big question. I don’t know why everything happens the way it does. But I know Jesus got up. And that changes EVERYTHING

— Trip Lee (@TripLee) April 1, 2018

Death used to be an executioner. Now, because of the resurrection death is merely a gardener. —George Herbert

You don’t bury a Christian; you only plant them.

— Sam Allberry (@SamAllberry) April 1, 2018

Today is the day when all of us at Non-denominational/majority Millennial churches actually dress up for a change. #Easter

— Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) April 1, 2018

Happy Easter friends. We live in a world where God raises the dead. Let's never forget that, no matter how much we're told otherwise. In a world of bad news, this good news resounds as brightly as ever.

— Mike Cosper (@MikeCosper) April 1, 2018

This is the worst VBS musical I’ve ever seen. #JesusChristSuperstarLive

— Fake J.D. Greear (@FakeJDGreear) April 2, 2018

Something Dr. Moore said once and it is true every single day: Everything we do at the @ERLC should point to Easter. No matter how great the other things may be, if we don't do that, we've failed.

— Leatherwood (@LeatherwoodTN) April 2, 2018

Really regretting not working a Friday Night Lights "Clear tomb, full hearts, can't lose" line into my sermon this morning.

— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) April 2, 2018

Welcome back, Lenten Twitter Abstainers! Don't worry, nothing much happened on here.

(Everyone else, remember, the code word is "Twizzler")

— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) April 2, 2018

“I like your sk—“

“IT HAS POCKETS.”

— Roo Ciambriello (@roociambriello) April 3, 2018

Publishers try to marry these two vocations, but it's really okay that they're *very* different things.

When we try to mesh them, we end up with the dishonesty of ghost-writing, the sloppiness of unintentional plagiarism, and the impression that everyone can be everything.

— Lore FergusonWilbert (@lorewilbert) April 3, 2018

Don't let the pressure get to you, speakers and writers. Most books published these days should just stay blogs or tweets or sermon series.

— Lore FergusonWilbert (@lorewilbert) April 3, 2018

My son was joking with a friend, saying she’s so hyperactive she has 90HD.

And that’s when I realized he thinks it’s called 80HD 😂

— Scott James (@scott_h_james) April 3, 2018

Dear Winter: A bunch of holidays are in your season and you're thinking, "This is great. People love me." But the party is over. You are uninvited. It's time you must go. We. Are. Cold.

— Trillia Newbell (@trillianewbell) April 6, 2018

Finding a typo in an editorial style guide be like pic.twitter.com/4Gae516W27

— John Weirick (@johnweirick) April 6, 2018

And people who claim to be fellow Jesus followers react with rousing reminders of all the reasons they should hate one another, shun each other & avoid each other like a plague of horned frogs, I just cannot imagine that it gives Jesus that warm fuzzy feeling.But maybe I’m wrong.

— Beth Moore (@BethMooreLPM) April 8, 2018

I can do anything … except monkey bars. — 5 year old

That’s an amazing mix of self-confidence and realistic appraisal of limitations.

— Aaron Earls (@WardrobeDoor) April 8, 2018

Netflix is suggesting that I watch shows I’ve already binge watched ON Netflix.

It’s like, we’ve spent all of this time together and you don’t even know me at all, Netflix! #betrayal

— Sarah Doss (@sarahdossy) April 9, 2018

50% of my brain: "It's okay to make a mistake. Everyone does. Just fix it and move on."

The other 50% of my brain: pic.twitter.com/Fk8TfNH3FC

— Shannon Whitehead (@shansometimes) April 9, 2018

Keep your friends close, and your friends who are good at small talk closer.

— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) April 9, 2018

There is no righteous way to be racist.

— Beth Moore (@BethMooreLPM) April 4, 2018

"There are some days when the new mercies you woke up to don’t seem as bright as you’d like them to be. But even when your day gets darker, know that the promises of God will not set with the sun." – @JackieHillPerry

— Trillia Newbell (@trillianewbell) April 10, 2018

kickstarter for mary kate and ashley to do a shot for shot recreation of all of their childhood films but with their current personalities

— Judson Collier (@JudsonCollier) April 11, 2018

Little Einstein’s *pointing at a heart shape*: What else do we need to give our plant?

5 year old: A heart organ.

So it might not be her cuteness that kills me. pic.twitter.com/RXEArR5CBu

— Aaron Earls (@WardrobeDoor) April 14, 2018

Do not ever let anyone tell you that pigs in a blanket is not fancy enough for a baby shower. pic.twitter.com/f1aaRkB1CU

— Ashlyn Portero (@ashlynportero) April 15, 2018

Living with a 6-year-old is a lot like what I imagine living with Billy Eichner would be like.

— Katherine H  (@grass_stains) April 16, 2018

I don’t 100% understand what the dark web is but I have tried online dating so I think I get the gist.

— Heather Warfield (@HeatherWarfield) April 17, 2018

Christian Coachella gonna be 🔥🔥 pic.twitter.com/jDkFmB6eBn

— John Crist (@johnbcrist) April 17, 2018

spammers are getting very insistent pic.twitter.com/NnxjuNFwO2

— Scott James (@scott_h_james) April 17, 2018

Cool people: check out this is tattoo I got when I was backpacking in New Zealand
Me: this is a bruise I got from bumping into a door

— David DeWeil (@daviddeweil) April 18, 2018

Teachability trumps gifting every time. Give me someone who is less gifted but teachable over the all-star who can’t be taught. #leadership

— Micah Fries (@micahfries) April 18, 2018

.@LizetteBeard to @carolpipes: "Have you been to Loretta Lynn's Ranch?"@juliermasson: "Who's Loretta Lynn? Is she some famous person?"

Lizette, Carol and me: pic.twitter.com/i0QqUN13be

— Joy Allmond (@joyallmond) April 19, 2018

Ohhh man, we had no idea how many of you were coming and don’t have enough people to handle this.

-airports, somehow

— Ben Rector (@benrector) April 19, 2018

A professor choked back tears while reading Scripture today.

This is what we students might need more than anything else: teachers who haven’t lost their complete and total awe for the truth they are teaching, but instead have found themselves increasingly undone by it.

— Kaitlyn Schiess (@KaitlynSchiess) April 19, 2018

BREAKDOWN OF MY DECISION-MAKING:

50% based on avoiding getting yelled at
49.8% based on not getting made fun of

But that last .2%? I do whatever I want baby 😎

— Kevin T. Porter (@KevinTPorter) April 20, 2018

Jesus is real. I know that's simple, but I also know that much of my sin (fear, anxiety, etc) stems from forgetting this simple truth.

— Trillia Newbell (@trillianewbell) April 21, 2018

My phone has refused to take screenshots the last two days.

I assume this is some sort of Sanctification Setting.

— Rachel Callahan (@ObjectivityRach) April 21, 2018

Make-Up Tutorial: Second guess ability to pull off the super staining red-hot lip to your nephew’s baptism; attempt to wash it off; look like a cannibal.

— Jessica Buttram (@JButtWhatWhat) April 22, 2018

This thang is good! Thank you @CharlieDates https://t.co/H3Fw7gyaww

— Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) April 12, 2018

“Actually if you take it from over there, the light will be better because the sun will be behind me.”

– My 10 year old son, already lapping my career

— Seth Worley (@Awakeland3D) April 22, 2018

For a writer, everything is practice. A blog post, whether or not it is widely read? Practice. A poem, whether or not it is shared with anyone? Practice. Eavesdropping. Hearing how people talk. Watching anger or joy spread over someone's face? Paying attention? Practice. pic.twitter.com/9TUZ1OM6Vp

— Shawn Smucker (@shawnsmucker) April 23, 2018

I realize this is your third child, Mr. and Mrs. Middleton, which is why it’s even more important that you get on the volunteer rotation for the Cuddlers and Crawlers room. #royalbaby

— Fake J.D. Greear (@FakeJDGreear) April 23, 2018

If God was like us, He would fail us.

— Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) April 23, 2018

Peppa Pig and her animal friends are going to the zoo. I’m interested to see what kind of existential crisis this brings about.

— Laura McClellan (@laura_mcclellan) April 23, 2018

when the tweet above this one is really good pic.twitter.com/mMMdTM0mSC

— David DeWeil (@daviddeweil) April 23, 2018

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge leave St Mary's Hospital with their new arrival, a baby boy.
Their Royal Highnesses have thanked all staff at the hospital for the care and treatment they have received, and thanked members of the public for their warm wishes. pic.twitter.com/6tSLv9JX8q

— The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) April 23, 2018

Raccoon Crushed To Death By Garbage Truck Hits Jackpot With Reincarnation https://t.co/tE9D3pagnB pic.twitter.com/bW2ioWq0AB

— The Onion (@TheOnion) April 23, 2018

I cross my fingers every day in hopes that one of my tweets is retweeted onto the timeline of someone who doesn’t like me.

— Jamie B. Golden (@jamiebgolden) April 24, 2018

Just got a call from the “National Opinion Institute.” They’ve come to the right place.

— Barnabas Piper (@BarnabasPiper) April 24, 2018

If we've got grace in our doctrine but not in our demeanor, we bring into question whether we've got grace in either.

— Jared C. Wilson (@jaredcwilson) April 25, 2018

All different kinds of bible believing churches are reaching all different kinds of people. Same gospel, different methods, different feel, all for the glory and mission of God.

I’m thankful all churches aren’t the same.

— Dean Inserra (@deaninserra) April 25, 2018

I'm not in a position to offer much writing advice, but I will say: only write for places that care enough to edit you.

— Cort Gatliff (@cortgatliff) April 25, 2018

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are delighted to announce that they have named their son Louis Arthur Charles.

The baby will be known as His Royal Highness Prince Louis of Cambridge. pic.twitter.com/4DUwsLv5JQ

— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) April 27, 2018

Guy next to me on flight read a Bible app before takeoff and then brazenly ordered a Diet Coke with no ice because he "prefers it a little warm." Christians, be aware of your witness.

— Ruth Graham (@publicroad) April 27, 2018

I recently had a conversation with a college student who said he is drawn to liturgical worship because it fills him with reverence for God.

Jesus is our friend, absolutely. But that should never overshadow the fact that he is our Lord.

— Cort Gatliff (@cortgatliff) April 27, 2018

Think I’m ashamed for order a kids meal at Chick-fil-A? WRONG. I’m getting ice cream out of this. I am THRIVING

— David DeWeil (@daviddeweil) April 27, 2018

When the psalmists refers to themselves as “righteous” & “upright” it feels strange. I know myself too well to use that kind of language. But, that’s the problem. My introspection hasn’t been anchored by faith. The faith that God has indeed made me new even when I feel the same.

— Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) April 27, 2018

"It matters to God how you treat His kids." @PriscillaShirer #PSLive18

— LifeWay Women (@LifeWayWomen) April 28, 2018

"Division in the body of Christ is demonic." @PriscillaShirer #PSLive18

— LifeWay Women (@LifeWayWomen) April 28, 2018

"He paid much too high a price to bring us close for us to still be tolerant of the lines that divide." @PriscillaShirer #PSLive18

— LifeWay Women (@LifeWayWomen) April 28, 2018

“It’s my job to make beautiful things.” @TrevinWax on the phone with me just now.

— Jonathan Howe (@Jonathan_Howe) April 29, 2018

If only we all had this amount of ingenuity. pic.twitter.com/J23qjlfrMR

— Mary Carlisle Wiley (@marycwiley) April 30, 2018