Here’s what you need to know about April 2017: Easter; Pepsi acted like they solved racism; there was a huge, tldr thread on platform and Christian women; taxes; I guess also a country music award show?
Here are the best tweets from my feed in April.
This is complicated when you’ve given up soda for Lent. Plus, wouldn’t Jesus prefer wine? pic.twitter.com/NYq4aRvCXh
— Jamie Golden (@jamiebgolden) April 1, 2017
Today Google Maps has a playable Ms. Pac Man mode. The perfect thing to entertain myself this morning while operating a moving vehicle.
— Seth Worley (@Awakeland3D) April 1, 2017
In 10,000 years from now we will praise God for all the times He said "no" to things we were certain would make us happy in this life.
— Garrett Kell ن (@pastorjgkell) April 1, 2017
My 2 poles of feeling toward yardwork:
1. This is so refreshing & gratifying!
2. I'm selling my house & buying a condo.
— Ashlyn Portero (@ashlynportero) April 1, 2017
Since there's 30 days in April, I'm doing a Whole 30 (Days of Remembering My Retainer).
— Adrienne Cooper (@LemonAdeH) April 2, 2017
"The internet has taken it personally. Just one of those things." – @edhyndman basically summarizing life in 2017
— Laura McClellan (@laura_mcclellan) April 2, 2017
There are as many annual country music award shows as there are Duggars.
— Jamie Golden (@jamiebgolden) April 3, 2017
We joined a gym last week just for the childcare.
Them: Sir, you're not allowed to nap on that treadmill.
Me: WE PAID OUR DUES!
— Chad Gibbs (@Chad_Gibbs) April 3, 2017
First and third Sundays of every month means country music award show. #ACMAwards
— Dean Inserra (@deaninserra) April 3, 2017
"What are you thinking about?"
"Every awkward situation I've ever been in. You?"
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 3, 2017
My favorite part of packing for a trip is deciding what books to take.
— scott james (@scott_h_james) April 4, 2017
And then lugging them on airplanes and throughout the trip before bringing them back home, still mostly unread.
Will Their Marriage Survive His Ten-Week Cough with a Gagging Sound at the End?
Find out at 10!
— Erin Hicks Moon (@erinhmoon) April 4, 2017
Text from an in-law just now 🙂
"I know this sounds silly but I have no idea how to even go about getting instant graham…"
— Jeremy Cowart (@jeremycowart) April 6, 2017
I regret nothing except the one time Facebook listed Jaci Velasquez as one of my suggested friends and I didn't add her.
— HUCKWORTH. (@TylerHuckabee) April 6, 2017
@publicroad I have friends who have this game in real life and tried to get me to play it.
But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) April 6, 2017
Unconditional affirmation and unconditional love are not the same thing. To demand the former is to actually exclude the latter.
— Sam Allberry (@SamAllberry) April 6, 2017
My grandma just forwarded me an email with a PDF attachment of a scanned printout of a blog post. ❤️#bless
— Kate Brannen (@katewantstorun) April 7, 2017
When the weather starts to get warm I usually make my emojis one shade darker in hopes my actual skin will follow suit
— Heather Warfield (@HeatherWarfield) April 7, 2017
Me: Does anyone remember what symmetry is?
HSG: A line that cuts things equally.
HSB: I thought it was where dead people are.#Close
— Joshua McMillan (@JoshuaLMcMillan) April 7, 2017
Writing is 95% avoiding writing.
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) April 7, 2017
How many RTs for a year of chicken nuggets
WENDYS: 18 million
McDs: what's a tweet
CHIKFILA: DM us ur address we'll overnight them, bless
— HUCKWORTH. (@TylerHuckabee) April 7, 2017
Attending leadership seminar. Sitting in my car until the last possible second because: DEATH BEFORE SMALL TALK. #introvertedleaderprobs
— Aleah Marsden (@AleahMarsden) April 8, 2017
Any serious chef will tell you there are only five essential oven settings pic.twitter.com/F2V7984BJi
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) April 8, 2017
Murphy's law is if you fly into Nashville on a Friday, you WILL have a bachelorette party on your flight. 😑
— Rachel Trammell (@racheltrammell) April 8, 2017
Humor isn’t a spiritual gift, but it’s a pretty effective way of communicating spiritual things.
— Barnabas Piper (@BarnabasPiper) April 9, 2017
If you don't have the 🙄 emoji in your frequently used, I honestly don't know if we can be friends.
— John Crist (@johnbcrist) April 9, 2017
Stop hitting your brother with your palm branch IT'S A SEASON OF REFLECTION AND REDEMPTION.
— Jan Moyer (@moyermama) April 9, 2017
I'm 'pulled a groin muscle attempting a cartwheel' years old.
— Roo Ciambriello (@roociambriello) April 9, 2017
The most effective Bible teacher is the one who is most affected by the Bible.
— Ryan Higginbottom (@Ryan_Higg) April 9, 2017
Thought I had a bruise on my chest. Realized it was just where a chocolate chip had fallen into my sports bra and melted. #fitnessgoals
— Melanie Shankle (@BigMama) April 10, 2017
The story of my life is remembering my 4th grade classmate's birthday 20 years later but not remembering why I picked up my phone
— Heather Warfield (@HeatherWarfield) April 10, 2017
Twitter, much like the world, feels crazy these days, but I'm grateful for so many ppl. I follow & interact w/ here. I learn often from you.
— Melissa Moore (@MelissaMoore77) April 11, 2017
If you say memoir, "mem-wah," I can't know you. I simply cannot engage in this life with you. I'm sorry.
— Eddie (@EdwardorEddie) April 11, 2017
It's 8:57 and Catherine just said, "So much for getting to bed early."
— Sean Lowe (@SeanLowe09) April 12, 2017
If you plug in a USB cord correctly on the first try, you shouldn’t have to pay taxes for a year.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) April 12, 2017
Parents, if you're concerned about the future of your children invest in the one essential college skill: Ultimate Frisbee.
— Barnabas Piper (@BarnabasPiper) April 13, 2017
Don't believe the hype: the world doesn't need your words, but your neighbor does. Your children do. Your roommate does. Your church does.
— Lore FergusonWilbert (@lorewilbert) April 14, 2017
Holy Saturday. The best reminder that the silence of God doesn't equal the absence of God.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) April 15, 2017
Talking during breakfast should be illegal.
— Sean Lowe (@SeanLowe09) April 15, 2017
"Hey, you know how to work the Facebook thing, right?"
Things people say to me when they know I work in social media.
— Julie Masson (@juliermasson) April 15, 2017
For many friends, I have gifted for: wedding shower, lingerie shower, bachelorette, house warming, baby shower(s). This is madness, America.
— Rachel Trammell (@racheltrammell) April 15, 2017
Also, first birthdays.
"He won't show up unless you're fast asleep," I remind the children at bedtime. pic.twitter.com/VsGnXqxrYi
— Eric Schumacher (@emschumacher) April 16, 2017
Let us eat, drink, and be merry, for yesterday we were dead.
— Russell Moore (@drmoore) April 16, 2017
— Knox and Jamie (@PopcastPod) April 16, 2017
I miss the "He is risen, indeed!" Callback EVERY TIME.
— Richard Clark (@TheRichardClark) April 16, 2017
Me: Phinn, what did you talk about [in church] today?
Phinn: Yeah! He's not night-night! #AMEN
— Lydia McMillan (@lemcmillan) April 16, 2017
"Maybe the Easter Bunny slept in. Regardless, just wait outside while Mommy takes 10 minutes to double check that he was here."
— Jan Moyer (@moyermama) April 16, 2017
Facebook needs a “show me zero posts from people but still have them show up to my funeral” feature.
— Seth Worley (@Awakeland3D) April 16, 2017
One of the often overlooked blessings of Easter is Jesus letting all our friends come back to social media after Lent.
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) April 17, 2017
When you close your eyes and see the Candy Crush screen and start playing, it's time to delete the app….for the 25th time.
— Sarah McStephens (@sarahmcstephens) April 17, 2017
I'm constantly telling teen girls your worth isn't found in "likes," "follows," and "retweets."
It's found in your ability to bear sons.
— Kristin Weber (@kristinweb) April 17, 2017
Just know that any time you wear that new dress from Target there are 60 thousand ppl quietly whispering "so glad I didn't wear that today"
— erinmcgown (@erinmcgown) April 17, 2017
Wendy’s annoyed Hardee’s on Twitter, so Hardee’s blocked them. No offense to WW2 vets, but we’re probably living in the greatest generation.
— Matt Smethurst (@MattSmethurst) April 18, 2017
"Are you telling me that one day medication just decides to stop working? It's fine. Take it."
— Jan Moyer (@moyermama) April 19, 2017
If you hear screaming from the open windows of our house, that's just us shepherding our kids' hearts into bed before a long road trip…
— Eric Schumacher (@emschumacher) April 19, 2017
Shared a google doc with coworker. She commented IN THE DOC, “Downloaded and made edits. Will send via email in a minute.” 😱
— Katherine H (@grass_stains) April 19, 2017
@BarnabasPiper I agree. I've been thinking about that recently. Like, if there's so much angst about writing and all that goes with it, just stop.
— Lore FergusonWilbert (@lorewilbert) April 19, 2017
Just changed from my work-from-home workout gear to my actual exercise workout gear. #capsulewardrobe
— Laura McClellan (@laura_mcclellan) April 19, 2017
Was just asked if I was at this audition to be the "nerd girl" or "soccer mom" so either way I'm feeling 100
— erinmcgown (@erinmcgown) April 20, 2017
Every time my kids play pretend either the mom is dead or evil. Should I blame myself or Disney?
— Erin Hicks Moon (@erinhmoon) April 21, 2017
I earned this bagel emotionally.
— Laura McClellan (@laura_mcclellan) April 21, 2017
Don't tell me something is the easiest recipe ever and then tell me one of the ingredients is yeast.
— Sarah McStephens (@sarahmcstephens) April 21, 2017
Somewhere tonight, an avid podcast listener will cook a Blue Apron dinner, update their Square Space page, then sleep on a Casper mattress.
— scott james (@scott_h_james) April 21, 2017
My friends don't just call each other.
We text about calling first.
It's only right.
— Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) April 22, 2017
Reading my kindle at a restaurant on a Friday night surrounded by bachelorette parties. This is the *actual* perfect analogy for my life.
— Rachel Trammell (@racheltrammell) April 22, 2017
5YO just asked me "do you think you'll be alive your whole life?
At first I laughed, then I realized it's unintentionally profound.
— Jan Moyer (@moyermama) April 22, 2017
Anyone else have a TV that turns on by itself & won't turn off unless it's unplugged*? No? Just me? Neat.
*a ghost in their apartment
— Molly Gentry (@mollsabeth) April 23, 2017
Words create and destroy.
That is why I am convinced that the most dangerous artists alive are those who communicate.
— Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) April 24, 2017
I’ll take Millennial Equations for $200, Alex. pic.twitter.com/232wTmeYQP
— Keith Pipes (@KeithPipes) April 24, 2017
In the Hebrew Bible, Lamentations is titled, “How!” Our churches should be safe space for people to cry, “How!”
— J.A. Medders (@mrmedders) April 25, 2017
You know you're on a flight to Nashville when you hear "hey, do we have room for another guitar?" over the intercom.
— Jen Hall (@jeninthewild) April 26, 2017
You might be a grammar nerd if you resend your texts with corrections.
— Marty Duren (@martyduren) April 28, 2017
"I know Twitter isn't the best place for this, but [procedes anyway]."
If Twitter isn't the best place. Just don't.
Find a good place.
— Chris Martin (@ChrisMartin17) April 28, 2017
Move along. Nothing to see here. pic.twitter.com/cWLlQWRWHt
— Jonathan Howe (@Jonathan_Howe) April 29, 2017